काश

काश के वो मुझे कभी मिले ही ना,

पर उसके ख़्वाब उसके ख़याल हमेशा रहें।

वो मेरे पास कभी हो ही ना,

और मैं अपनी ज़िंदगी उसकी ख़्वाहिश मैं गुज़ार दूँ।

मैं उसके दर पर भटकता रहूँ,

पर वो दरवाज़ा मेरे लिए कभी खुले ही ना।

क्यूँकि जो मज़ा माशूक़ के रुसवा होने मैं है,

वो उसे हासिल करने मैं कहाँ?

मैं इस बात से ख़ुश राहु के वो मोहब्बत-ए-ज़िंदगी थी,

कोई जलवा-ए-जुनून तो नहीं ।

फिर सालों बाद हादसे से वो मुझे मिले,

और उस हादसे से वो मुझे मिलें।

फिर मेरे ख़्वाब उसकी हक़ीक़त बन जाएँ,

और मेर हक़ीक़त उसके ख़्वाब बन जाएँ।

A beautiful Triumph!

"Her rosy lips, her cherry eyes,

She knew no roofs, she went over skies.

Her silky hair, her milky cheek

Looking her beauty, an angel would freak.

The way she smiled, the way she walked,

The air would freeze, the time would stop.

My mere existence was brought to heel,

When for the first time she talked to me.

Now, my life now will turn apart soon,

because I kissed her this noon."

One for the night

I never get high, at least not after a couple of drinks. But that day was special for me. Very special.

I got placed in an IT company in final year of my college and I joined it after a few months of the final exam. While on work we had planned a picnic/trip/whatever you call it these days to a nearby place for one weekend.

We reached there in the afternoon and refreshed ourselves with some beer and had a fun pool time. Then came the big night.

I started with Whisky then we had the dinner and then some vodka shots followed by a variety of cocktails and 'chakna’. Then had a few drunk games and songs, some drunk walks and drunk talks. That night I recited ‘the breathless’ one of my favorite songs and many more songs.

Around 4 a.m. I went to sleep in one of the few dormitories we had booked.

After some time suddenly I noticed that, she in a black and white peplum was trying to wake me. I was astonished to find her at that place, but anyways I was happy to see her there. I woke up and went to a place where a cool breeze was blowing, and now the birds had started to twitter. I guess, it was almost 5 o'clock. It was still dark but the sun would come soon. We had a beautiful talk for almost an hour and sorted out the misunderstandings and fights we had. I told her that she's the one I wanted to be with my entire life.

By now the sun had started peeking from the land. We decided to go to the beach as none of us had ever seen a sunrise from a beach. We went inside the water. Now the water was reaching up to our knees. As I did not know how to swim, I advised her to walk back. On our way to the shore, she sensed something on her left feet. As the water flew back on a low tide we noticed that it's a jellyfish. She was stung by a jellyfish.

We both are huge fans of the site on F.R.I.E.N.D.S and we straight away knew what is to be done. And the rest is history.

As we both we embarrassed by the incident, she went away and I too went back to my bed again.

As I said earlier, I usually never get high. But I was not sure about the last night. Though my friends said that last night I wetted a wardrobe besides my bed. But I knew that they were kidding. Because if I had done so I would remember it.

All I knew is jellyfish sting is fatal. And when Googled I found that “There's no proof that the urine helps neutralize toxins from the jellyfish or bring the stingers to the surface of the skin. Urine probably won't harm the sting, but it definitely isn't healing it.”

A race to the end..

That was a very delighted day for me. I was going to meet one of my best friend after a long time. Recently, he got a job in one of the major IT firm in the suburbs of the city. And he moved there. This was after almost a couple of years.

We were best buddies in college but after the college ended we hardly meet each other. But this was a huge moment for me. We planned to meet at 5 O'clock in the evening in a cafe uptown.

I had already reserved a table for both of us. I reached early and was waiting for him. There he came, wearing a dark blue shirt with folded sleeves, a grayish jeans, a pair of brand new Snickers and smoking a cigarette.

I knew that he smokes a lot and heard various tales of him. Once, he finished a couple of dozens of cigarettes while having a pitcher. Another time he consumed the entire stock he had in a night. He had became a chain smoker and so on.

We sat and remembered the glorious days from our past, the fun we had, the lectures we didn't attended, the things we should have done then, the things we shouldn't have done, etc. We also shared the experiences we had on all these years of our lives when we weren't together.

And then something he said that ripped me apart. He said, “I am sorry but I had to tell you this”. He had now became an addict to smoking and drugs and alcohol and every other things his parents wanted him to stay away from. He would not live without smoking half a dozen of cigarettes a day. He couldn't live without having alcohol for every alternate reason. And perhaps he was detected with lung cancer but couldn't help. Everything that was making him feel alive was in fact killing him.

I asked him to promise he that he would get rid of these false pleasures gradually if not at once. Now I understood why people say that these pleasures doesn't make you happy, they just borrow happiness from your future.

As he raised his hand to promise I found that he couldn't keep his hand still. His hand used to be Rock steady when I used to ask to make promises back in college. His hand was shivering and so was I.

This was the day I decided that I want to quit of all the analgesics from my life and lives of everyone I care of, I want to end the race before it ends us. I want people to Stay healthy and ftw. And stop paying for their deaths.

The Ride

And then the ride started. She was sitting right besides me. Everything was dark in there. In the beginning it was amusing just like a Sci Fi movie and we were enjoying it. Suddenly we heard the words “magnetic field started” and the roller coaster car began to move rapidly, faster and faster. This was the first time in my life I felt so scared. Not because my claustrophobia, but because I didn't see it coming.

As the speed increased I hold her hand tightly. And then the coaster car took three 360° loops in succession. Everything was dark and yet I had a glance of heaven. With the increasing speed and unprecedented loops, I was worried of the fact that why am I holding her hand? (though I always wanted to be with her but this demonstrates that I am a coward). Why I was scared and she was not?. How would she react to it? Would this be another topic for my friend to tease me?

After a few moments the ride ended. I was still holding her hand sitting in the car. Everyone else was leaving. She kept her other hand on my hand and said ,”Hota hai (It Happens)”. Then for a brief moment we she looked into my eyes and smiled. This was the smile I wanted to see my entire life.I wanted to this face every morning I wake up, every time I come home from a hard day, in every ups and downs of my life, till eternity. Now, we both were holding each other's hand looking at each other and had a magical moment.

I wished if I could freeze the time. I wanted to live in that moment and never wanted to get out of it. The same moment that took My Breath Away give me reason to live.

A Labyrinthine Enigma (episode 1)

A Friday night around 10 O'clock, it was raining beautifully. I was dreaming of various fictitious weekend plan. May be on a magical island with someone, or fighting a classic traditional battle with swords and arrows, or may be to smack the f@#king moron who messed with me in the morning in the same way the as the character of movie did which I saw recently.

Suddenly a message notification popped out of my phone saying," Hey dude, I need your help." I thought who needs my help and that too at this time. I opened it and came to know it was Neil. I was amazed that this man wanted help from me...I was on Mars then. I came back to earth quickly inside my room on my bed and asked him, “Dude! What happened...??". "I am confused. I am unable to study or do anything for that matter, she is not answering my calls and not replying to my texts, I have been trying for an hour, usually she never do like this. And it was just a small joke, so why did she get offended so much...etc.etc."

After his long thread I asked him the most important question, “Who is she? What is her name?  How does she looks..??" He replied with a Hindi gaali and added some mcbc's to it. Now I was interested in that girl he was talking about (usually an engineering student is always interested in any girl and they do gossip a lot) and also how this idiot got on with her. So I said, “Dude..! To solve your mystery, I need your history...And the Physics behind your Chemistry..(I am such a great poet)"

And then he began, “Once upon a time when we were in 3rd Semester (by the way were in 5th Semester then) we had to arrange a fresher’s party for the first year. I am pursuing mechanical engineering, so naturally I had to make friends from comps and IT department. (you know what I mean). We were acting in a play to welcome the firsties. I had given an audition and got selected (for a minor role). Then I saw her, on that very moment I said to a boy standing next to me, “Iss bar ka lot accha hai". And when I heard his reply I was shocked, what he said was, "Ye lot purana hi hai" how did this happened I was here for an entire year and I didn't saw her one single time, this is not done. Shame on me. Anyways I had to correct my mistake, so I went to her did some silliest yet effective conversations of my life. I would call it as ‘The Butterfly Effect’ of my life.    

And then the play began though she was in lead role in the play and I was playing role of her brother in it, the reality was much different. Because slowly and steadily i was becoming the hero of the story. She was the first girl that I had liked so much in my entire life (actually not), and the first one to give me a positive response. Later the 'play session' ended and our play was one of the best play the college had ever had in its entire history (according to me). This was the time when the real play started. Within five-six we came very close to each other and I proposed her and thankfully got a positive reply. I am not going to tell you the entire story. But a fair amount of love ship was the between us until a few hours ago."

I shared the problem with Mr. Phmurzey my Talisman, he was sitting right beside me. Instead of giving me any suggestion he started scolding me, Phmurzey said," It is you who requires help, he have had his girl, and you just keep on thinking on what should have happened. If I had been a little brave then my life would have been different. And instead of holding her cheeks you will be holding cheeks of her children who would call you 'mama'." And I realised that my problem was knotty. Niel would get solution of his problem soon, I would keep on wishing to have such problems. I should've really done something rigid. My life is now more cryptic than his walking aimlessly towards unknown destination. But it is not like that I had done nothing, it was just a case that didn't work on.  I kept on reciting my mistakes and defending the decisions made by me for at least an hour or two. Surely Mr. Phmurzey had been a tangent between Niel and me.

It was 2'O clock and then another message appeared on my screen. Again it was him (Niel). This time it said,

"This is nothing but me talking with me. Everyone - This is nothing but me talking with me. Everyone has its unique talent which becomes there habit. Someone loves to drive, someone loves to talk, someone loves to keep boasting about themselves & someone is simply too shy to love anything. Well, if you ask about me then I'm a THINKER.. I can talk myself for a whole day without taking a break. But there is someone about whom I can't stop thinking. It's really confusing. Now I can't bear this anymore. It's killing me yaar. So I decided to express it. 

I don't know how I should describe her. She is a magician & her biggest magic is her killing smile. Her those cheeks are just like cherry on the cake. She is like an oasis in my desert.

Now it's been almost a year I am with her. I think, she is the first ever thing I like in this college till now. Otherwise if you visit our college, you will find nothing that can interest you. I admired her presence her touch, and her absence is killing me. If I couldn't met her then I think my life will end up soon."  

...to be continued

My FATE....

I cannot think of this day. I would never wan't to happen this with any one in their life. Mr. Phmurzey had warned me several times, but I kept ignoring it. Actually, I was aware of the fact, and I should have listened to him, but a suttle conflict was going on between my brain and my heart at that time. And then it happened. I had never even dreamed of it.

She was very friendly with me right from the start of the course. Though I had crush on her from the first day, but this was usual for me, because I had crush on every good looking girl in our college. But she was certainly special, since she was the only one I used to share stuffs. Near the end of semester, I was sure that that's the kind of girl I want.

I was and I am still bad at verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Rather, I would say that I cannot talk to any person known or unknown for more than a few minutes. And to take out phone numbers for calling or chatting was not made for me. By the way I would like to say that before the dawn of Whatsapp era, It was really difficult to take a girls number and chat with her. So, naturally I was unable to do it.

And then the new semester started. I was still fond of her. And this time I took her number (But I still didn't started chatting).Now, at least from my side I was very comfortable with her. This time I was firm that I will listen to whatever Mr Phmurzey says. I took some tips from him. And I was going to propose her. I had decided the venue, date, day, time everything. I even had written a script of what I am going to say. I was firm and confident that her reply will favor me.

I was very excited for that tomorrow, since it was going to change my life. And YES it did but the other way round. She said,"YES" not to me. And why it wasn't me because one of our close friend asked her for the same, that too one day before my turn. And, I kept looking at both of them..coz I couldn't do anything else.....