Stepping Over

They all were waiting outside for me in the bar. I was giving an interview. I was the last person for the interview. That marked the end of the semester. As soon as my turn got over, I went to the restroom. I had to pee, we had a gender-neutral restroom. I saw a phone near the sink. I picked it up. Someone forgot about it there. The phone looks familiar. I have a special talent, I won't call it talent but, I can figure out the password of a person, just by looking at a person.  I thought of a person and tried to figure out what password she would keep. It got unlocked. The phone was in my hand. I tried to open photos, the world forced me to do so. It had been a long time since I'd seen her.

One thing I must admit, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Some people said that she is not pretty at all. Well, she may not be very pretty, but she was beautiful. Who is anyone to judge what beautiful is? People have some stereotypical and messed up definitions of beauty.  Do skin color, body type, and other external factors are the only parameters on which beauty is judged?

But anyway, I didn't want to look at her photos and get hypnotized one more time. It felt wrong. Invading someone's privacy. But the real reason that I didn't open it was that I did not want to see her face again. I would have called her friends and said that her phone is with me. But I didn't have their number. I could have gone to her house to give her phone back. But I couldn't remember her address. I could have called anyone from her phone, but it would have been unethical. Her phone was there, that meant she must be nearby and I could have looked for her and gave her a phone back. But I wanted to go to the bar.  I could have given the phone to the lost and found office. But that would mean I was helping her. So I did the smart thing. I went to the restroom and put the phone back to the place it was. All had gone to the nearest bar for the party. While I was exiting the college building, I got irritated by some cacophonous cries. Apparently, someone had lost something and was crying like a baby. I rushed ASAP to the party.

Letter for the Moon

I don’t regret our long nights talk together,
but I wish they were longer.

I don’t regret telling you how I feel,
but I wish you felt the same.

I don’t regret not asking you out,
but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I don’t regret falling for you,
but it hurts that I can’t have you.

A Happy Man

I met a man, With a crappy car and a happy life,
He was doing groceries with his children and his wife.

I asked him don’t you get sad for something or mad at someone,
And how is your life is so jovial and fun?

He said at times I feel trash,
When life becomes Hulk and does nothing but smash.

But happiness is not always a platter of sweets,
It is how you handle your defeats!

Stupid Notifications!

It hurts when I look for notifications but there ain’t any. Then I comfort myself saying that the past is long gone. As the Doppler’s effect applies to life as well. Because how close two people are doesn’t depend on proximity between them. You can be sitting beside each other and stills be far from each other. Or the other way round.

I keep myself busy now. I have always liked cooking. But in today’s circumstances not cooking means not eating. Every time I am hungry I  have to cook first to eat. I am now loving cooking. I make different cuisines every day. I bake cupcakes as well now. All the food I miss from my country. I cook now and I cook well. I have realized that what my mom and my grandmother does or for that matter almost all the ladies back in the country is a thankless job. I appreciate it to a greater extent now.

I have developed hobbies like reading. I love it the most. Reading gives my brain new ideas of which I have never thought before, situations which I have never faced before, places where I have never been before. It would influence the poems and stories I write.  That reminds me to say I love writing. 

I mostly write poems about almost any and everything. I like to write stories, which are mostly events or conversations that I never had before. Or perhaps some old conversation where I think I acted stupid and about alternate realities of those.

This summer I have taken a course. I study the course. It’s an online course so I read slides about that and watch some YouTube videos and tutorials about that.

I work as a research assistant with one of the professors at my college. I do that stuff 2-3 hours daily. I think that'll stand up tall on my resume and would make a difference when I’ll get a job if I do get one. 

There’s hardly any time for me after spending all the time in these activities. I try to sleep early and wake early now. I hardly do any all-nighters. Nothing worse than being lonely in the night. All-nighters used to be fun, when voices used to pop through the microphone  But not anymore. I guess I am only a wolf but just by name. Or just a metaphorical one. 

For waking early when I go to set my alarm. I check my phone. There are still no notifications. Okay, I’m lying there ARE notifications. But I care more about the message that didn’t come, the notification that didn’t pop up. So much more than the notifications that did.

काश

काश के वो मुझे कभी मिले ही ना,

पर उसके ख़्वाब उसके ख़याल हमेशा रहें।

वो मेरे पास कभी हो ही ना,

और मैं अपनी ज़िंदगी उसकी ख़्वाहिश मैं गुज़ार दूँ।

मैं उसके दर पर भटकता रहूँ,

पर वो दरवाज़ा मेरे लिए कभी खुले ही ना।

क्यूँकि जो मज़ा माशूक़ के रुसवा होने मैं है,

वो उसे हासिल करने मैं कहाँ?

मैं इस बात से ख़ुश राहु के वो मोहब्बत-ए-ज़िंदगी थी,

कोई जलवा-ए-जुनून तो नहीं ।

फिर सालों बाद हादसे से वो मुझे मिले,

और उस हादसे से वो मुझे मिलें।

फिर मेरे ख़्वाब उसकी हक़ीक़त बन जाएँ,

और मेर हक़ीक़त उसके ख़्वाब बन जाएँ।

A beautiful Triumph!

"Her rosy lips, her cherry eyes,

She knew no roofs, she went over skies.

Her silky hair, her milky cheek

Looking her beauty, an angel would freak.

The way she smiled, the way she walked,

The air would freeze, the time would stop.

My mere existence was brought to heel,

When for the first time she talked to me.

Now, my life now will turn apart soon,

because I kissed her this noon."

Big Fat Problem

I not feel angry when some one calls me FAT. These days they use some euphemisms with some sarcastic tone to remind me that I look fat. Even that doesn’t bother me. Then they start giving me examples of some random guy or some distant relative who is fat or may be was I don’t know. Followed with this the list of  problem he had suffered in his life because he was fat. Which bothers me a lot.

I had went to a trek to a nearby hill station which was 17km and I did it with pretty ease. Frequently I walk for the nearest railway station to my home which is approximately 6 km away from my house. Very often may once a week or at max once in a fortnight went,at cricket and never have I found any kind of distress playing the game.

The very next day of the trek, I went to a relative and unfortunately the lift there was broken and I had to walk half a dozen of stairs and I ranged the doorbell with a little pant. The first hour at the relative’s house went in them telling me to reduce my weight. If I couldn’t walk a few floors now then what will happen after 50 year.

Honestly I don’t want to live that long. I would rather live happily the life I want to live, no matter how short or shitty it is rather than living a perfect and imaginary long life that they want me to live.

Everyone person on this earth is unique and different from each other and so are their body structures. On top of that the rate of metabolism does a have effect on various body structures. Many people hit the deck hard go the gym and attain an attractive physique. Some of them succeed others don’t.

While some people do not find it needful to attain a physique that is not made for them naturally and prefer to stay in the state in what they are just keeping in mind that they  don’t go too much out of proportion and stay fit and healthy.

Even if I remain fat throughout my life and after their 50 years find that I am not able to do my daily chores by myself. One thing I can assure you that I love to live an independent life. Even when I am alone I am not lonely. I would rather spend my time in my own company than meeting with these people. Or meeting the people I want to meet.

Death is the final event in ones life and so it should be. Death should not be a process where you are not the only one who is suffering. The moment I’ll realise that the process of my death has begun and it’s affecting the life of people near me I’ll make sure that It will be an event and this big fat problem will not bother their lives.

The Ride

And then the ride started. She was sitting right besides me. Everything was dark in there. In the beginning it was amusing just like a Sci Fi movie and we were enjoying it. Suddenly we heard the words “magnetic field started” and the roller coaster car began to move rapidly, faster and faster. This was the first time in my life I felt so scared. Not because my claustrophobia, but because I didn't see it coming.

As the speed increased I hold her hand tightly. And then the coaster car took three 360° loops in succession. Everything was dark and yet I had a glance of heaven. With the increasing speed and unprecedented loops, I was worried of the fact that why am I holding her hand? (though I always wanted to be with her but this demonstrates that I am a coward). Why I was scared and she was not?. How would she react to it? Would this be another topic for my friend to tease me?

After a few moments the ride ended. I was still holding her hand sitting in the car. Everyone else was leaving. She kept her other hand on my hand and said ,”Hota hai (It Happens)”. Then for a brief moment we she looked into my eyes and smiled. This was the smile I wanted to see my entire life.I wanted to this face every morning I wake up, every time I come home from a hard day, in every ups and downs of my life, till eternity. Now, we both were holding each other's hand looking at each other and had a magical moment.

I wished if I could freeze the time. I wanted to live in that moment and never wanted to get out of it. The same moment that took My Breath Away give me reason to live.

Was it a dream?

It was a weekday, I slept early since on the next day I had to go to college. Suddenly in the night I heard a noise, it took me a couple of minutes to figure out that it was our door bell. Who in the hell rings arrived at such a disgusting time, why anyone is not opening the door.
Getting irritated by the bell, I decided to open the door myself, And what I figured out was that I as unable to get up from the bed, my legs were nonfunctional, I couldn't even sit properly, some how I crawled and went to the door and opened it with great efforts and I was astonished to to find out a flipkart delivery boy, delivering a free pizza.

A Labyrinthine Enigma (episode 1)

A Friday night around 10 O'clock, it was raining beautifully. I was dreaming of various fictitious weekend plan. May be on a magical island with someone, or fighting a classic traditional battle with swords and arrows, or may be to smack the f@#king moron who messed with me in the morning in the same way the as the character of movie did which I saw recently.

Suddenly a message notification popped out of my phone saying," Hey dude, I need your help." I thought who needs my help and that too at this time. I opened it and came to know it was Neil. I was amazed that this man wanted help from me...I was on Mars then. I came back to earth quickly inside my room on my bed and asked him, “Dude! What happened...??". "I am confused. I am unable to study or do anything for that matter, she is not answering my calls and not replying to my texts, I have been trying for an hour, usually she never do like this. And it was just a small joke, so why did she get offended so much...etc.etc."

After his long thread I asked him the most important question, “Who is she? What is her name?  How does she looks..??" He replied with a Hindi gaali and added some mcbc's to it. Now I was interested in that girl he was talking about (usually an engineering student is always interested in any girl and they do gossip a lot) and also how this idiot got on with her. So I said, “Dude..! To solve your mystery, I need your history...And the Physics behind your Chemistry..(I am such a great poet)"

And then he began, “Once upon a time when we were in 3rd Semester (by the way were in 5th Semester then) we had to arrange a fresher’s party for the first year. I am pursuing mechanical engineering, so naturally I had to make friends from comps and IT department. (you know what I mean). We were acting in a play to welcome the firsties. I had given an audition and got selected (for a minor role). Then I saw her, on that very moment I said to a boy standing next to me, “Iss bar ka lot accha hai". And when I heard his reply I was shocked, what he said was, "Ye lot purana hi hai" how did this happened I was here for an entire year and I didn't saw her one single time, this is not done. Shame on me. Anyways I had to correct my mistake, so I went to her did some silliest yet effective conversations of my life. I would call it as ‘The Butterfly Effect’ of my life.    

And then the play began though she was in lead role in the play and I was playing role of her brother in it, the reality was much different. Because slowly and steadily i was becoming the hero of the story. She was the first girl that I had liked so much in my entire life (actually not), and the first one to give me a positive response. Later the 'play session' ended and our play was one of the best play the college had ever had in its entire history (according to me). This was the time when the real play started. Within five-six we came very close to each other and I proposed her and thankfully got a positive reply. I am not going to tell you the entire story. But a fair amount of love ship was the between us until a few hours ago."

I shared the problem with Mr. Phmurzey my Talisman, he was sitting right beside me. Instead of giving me any suggestion he started scolding me, Phmurzey said," It is you who requires help, he have had his girl, and you just keep on thinking on what should have happened. If I had been a little brave then my life would have been different. And instead of holding her cheeks you will be holding cheeks of her children who would call you 'mama'." And I realised that my problem was knotty. Niel would get solution of his problem soon, I would keep on wishing to have such problems. I should've really done something rigid. My life is now more cryptic than his walking aimlessly towards unknown destination. But it is not like that I had done nothing, it was just a case that didn't work on.  I kept on reciting my mistakes and defending the decisions made by me for at least an hour or two. Surely Mr. Phmurzey had been a tangent between Niel and me.

It was 2'O clock and then another message appeared on my screen. Again it was him (Niel). This time it said,

"This is nothing but me talking with me. Everyone - This is nothing but me talking with me. Everyone has its unique talent which becomes there habit. Someone loves to drive, someone loves to talk, someone loves to keep boasting about themselves & someone is simply too shy to love anything. Well, if you ask about me then I'm a THINKER.. I can talk myself for a whole day without taking a break. But there is someone about whom I can't stop thinking. It's really confusing. Now I can't bear this anymore. It's killing me yaar. So I decided to express it. 

I don't know how I should describe her. She is a magician & her biggest magic is her killing smile. Her those cheeks are just like cherry on the cake. She is like an oasis in my desert.

Now it's been almost a year I am with her. I think, she is the first ever thing I like in this college till now. Otherwise if you visit our college, you will find nothing that can interest you. I admired her presence her touch, and her absence is killing me. If I couldn't met her then I think my life will end up soon."  

...to be continued

The unknown...

 Who are you? I dont know who are you?

 Are you some angel who came from heaven to take experience of earth, or you are a sleeper cell planning to plant a bomb.Are you keeper of a 'Dragon Ball' or a person from the world of Harry Potter who came by crossing platform no 9 3/4th.

 Some personalities are whimsical. You cannot predict what they are, the moment you start predicting some thing about them, their acts start proving you wrong... very worng. At a specific moment you find them as your closest friend, the nearest and the dearest, and on very next day you find something starnge in it that you have never seen before. Your become confuse is that the same person...

 But you...you are different. Different in every aspect. You potray to be very cheerful, enthusiastic, full of enery, seductive, arrogant, naughty, always tensed (and many more adjectives) person but inside you there is something mysterious, unkown, some dark secret that you always hide from every body.

 Recenlty, I saw a movie called 'Kahani' with my friend Mr. Phmurzey and as we were discussing about it in the evening he told me his perspective about you and the similarity between both of you. Mr. Phmurzey is genius. In the movie the actress potrays a character of another person for her revenge.

 Similary, I think you live a lavish life but there 'the dark side' your life who does not allows you to be what you are.

 I am really waiting for that day when the person you look, the person you show you are and the actual person you are , are same.

 Because you are the one who has helped me to get rid of my negative side of live and I along with Mr. Phmurzey wants to see the real person in you...

My FATE....

I cannot think of this day. I would never wan't to happen this with any one in their life. Mr. Phmurzey had warned me several times, but I kept ignoring it. Actually, I was aware of the fact, and I should have listened to him, but a suttle conflict was going on between my brain and my heart at that time. And then it happened. I had never even dreamed of it.

She was very friendly with me right from the start of the course. Though I had crush on her from the first day, but this was usual for me, because I had crush on every good looking girl in our college. But she was certainly special, since she was the only one I used to share stuffs. Near the end of semester, I was sure that that's the kind of girl I want.

I was and I am still bad at verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Rather, I would say that I cannot talk to any person known or unknown for more than a few minutes. And to take out phone numbers for calling or chatting was not made for me. By the way I would like to say that before the dawn of Whatsapp era, It was really difficult to take a girls number and chat with her. So, naturally I was unable to do it.

And then the new semester started. I was still fond of her. And this time I took her number (But I still didn't started chatting).Now, at least from my side I was very comfortable with her. This time I was firm that I will listen to whatever Mr Phmurzey says. I took some tips from him. And I was going to propose her. I had decided the venue, date, day, time everything. I even had written a script of what I am going to say. I was firm and confident that her reply will favor me.

I was very excited for that tomorrow, since it was going to change my life. And YES it did but the other way round. She said,"YES" not to me. And why it wasn't me because one of our close friend asked her for the same, that too one day before my turn. And, I kept looking at both of them..coz I couldn't do anything else.....